Friday at last

I woke up today thinking at last its Friday! The weekend approaches, I can get some rest.  I feel like I have been going none stop in fear that if I do stop I may not start again!     As I walked into my son’s room I was hit by a wave of a seriously bad smell.. and as I approached his cot, my fears were verified. He was caked in poop.  Not only was he caked in poop, his legs were caked in dried poop, the WHITE sheets had poop on it, his milk bottle had poop on it and the best part… he was fast asleep in poop.   hahaha I mean really, little boys truly are disgusting! Or is it just mine?   So it was a mad rush for me, to get his bath running then put him in his bath, take his sheets off, dress him, put him downstairs, give him a bottle, put sheets in bath to soak and all before 8 o clock!  lol Before I had my son it took a fire drill to get me out of bed before 8.30! Funny how now I am wide awake and at work ten minutes early..

I have to say I struggled at work today.  I was really tired, I think the past two weeks finally caught up with me and although I did all my work I couldn’t wait to come home.   My collegues and boss have all been really supportive about the whole thing so I didn’t feel too guilty! (thanks) Although announcing I was knackered after only two days of work perhaps wasn’t the bestest idea I’ve ever had.

I picked up Christian from nursery and his afternoon teacher asked how I was; I said I need more surgery next week so my mum will be coming again to pick him up.  She did ask me why, I just said its going to take a little longer for me to get better.    What can I say in these situations..?! I cant just keep telling people I have cancer as its scares them more than me! And I am the one who’s got it!

For the rest of the evening I just collapsed on the couch whilst hubby rubbed my feet. He’s always done that for me bless him every since we met. Aren’t I lucky.

By bedtime I felt a little less optimistic even though I am strong because all day I’ve heard “that’s excellent news” about my results.  But if you really think about it, its not really excellent news, how can having cancer be excellent news.  Its the kind of thing that makes a doctor say: Do you want the good news, or the bad news?  Cause thats exactly how you can discribe my case, the good news is that the cancer hasn’t spread, the bad news is I’ve still got it.

Still, by next week, they will take it ALL out and then I will be cancer free..  and lymph node free too apparently.  Its not the best surgery.  My arm still hurts, I cant raise it like I used to, it hurts to hang the washing out and to lift clothes up over my head to get undressed which I struggle with. From my elbow to my armpit I have no feeling on the outside so you can put a fag out on me… But I can reach to scratch my arse, so thats a plus.. I cant really ask a stranger to do that now can I!

I’ll leave you with that thought. 🙂

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