Worse before it gets better

When I started my treatment I said as soon as its finished I was going return to work, to have a massive party, go out in town and dance the night away and celebrate and have some normality in my life.

Today I woke up feeling the worst I ever have, my armpit feels like its been rubbed down with a cheese grater and the exhaustion is bringing me to tears.   I’ve been so brave for so long and I’m so relieved that I can now relax that everything has kind of hit me like a steam roller.

I suppose its cause I’ve hardly cried throughout the whole treatment really.  Brave faced and strong willed has always been the way I’ve faced things but now that its all over I cant believe what has just recently happened to me and I’m quite upset about it really!

So although my physical battle is over, my battle to recover has just begun. I didn’t really get a chance to do that, after two surgeries straight into radiotherapy which has left me with more war wounds so to speak.. I guess as a cancer survivor which is one thing I most certainly thought id never be characterizing myself with, it takes much longer than a few days and weeks to really be able to feel normal again.

I’m going to see a doctor tomorrow to see about my armpit issue.

Taken today - Don't enlarge if squeamish

6 Comments (+add yours?)

  1. ibmerrie
    Aug 05, 2010 @ 20:36:56

    It will get better, but only when the radio therapy stops, keep useing the aquios cream smear it on thick and ask the doctor for fentanyl patch to cover the pain. Sorry your going through the mill. Neil has had a set back and he now seems to have a hot spot on his shoulder.we will know more tomorrow. Chin up and onwards.


  2. Zhanna P. Rader
    Aug 06, 2010 @ 11:54:23

    Dear Alethea,
    Congratulations on finishing the course of radiotherapy so bravely. It is true, though, you need some time to recover fully. Your armpit looks pretty bad now. Doctors should advise you as to how to speed up the healing of the wound. Wishing you a speedy recovery. Please keep us informed.


  3. Kim
    Aug 06, 2010 @ 20:35:48

    Allow these emotions–cry all day if you want to!! Ask your doctor about counseling and/or support group. Your mind, and your body, has been through alot!


  4. BB
    Aug 10, 2010 @ 16:26:55

    Dear Mrs Ayers,
    I have just found your blog and want to wish you well and hope you are feeling better today. You have been through so much pain and worry I am amazed by your ongoing optimisim and good humour, its pretty inspirational!! I too was diagnosed with Melanoma last year, had surgery of site, sentinal node biopsy, ct scans and given all clear thank God. I am undergoing a bit more minor surgery near site and CT scans this week but hope all will be well. Reading your posts has helped me remember and re focus on the important things in life having had my own skin cancer scare so many thanks for that.
    Keep well,


    • Mrs Ayres
      Aug 11, 2010 @ 12:50:53

      Hi BB
      Thank you for your kind words. I hope all goes well with you.
      Stay strong and positive, as everyone will keep telling you! Its the only way to be, but do allow yourself a good yelling too! 🙂 All the best


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