How I feel

Well during the day, I feel ok. Today is the first day I woke up without a headache! Bonus.

nighttime is different. I get all snuggled up with my husband and act all silly and tell him I love him and that I’m sorry if I don’t wake up the next day. He says don’t be silly. 

I am afraid of going to sleep.  I’m afraid I wont wake up again.  You can say don’t think like that. I dont. I dont think I am going to die. I think I might not wake up. Not that I’ll know if I haven’t but If I suddenly find myself upstairs I’ll be really pissed off and demand he sends me back. But by then it will be too late. 

So every day I wake up happy, just cause I’m awake. My house is a mess and I really want to clean it but I can’t be arsed. Think that’s the depression side.  Then I put you tube karaoke songs on and I start singing out loud like an idiot which cheers me up.

My son nearly two can sence there’s something wrong and isn’t really into me at the moment and cries if I pick him up. That’s upsetting so I hope he’ll come round soon. I need his cuddles. They are very therapeutic.

So now you know how I feel.  I am ok. I can beat these 7 little shits. There’s no room for them in my happy brain. But after a long day when I am tired they are there to remind me that life is short and I’m to make the most of it. Not forgetting ever to tell the nearest and dearest that I love them.

I love you and I’m sorry if one morning I don’t wake up.