CT scans suck

CT scanning machine

Well I arrived late at the hospital again yesterday because I forgot my doctor’s note at home. I got my bottle of gross water and proceeded to the cafe to drink it. It was awful. We’ve all had to do it, but I don’t know if other countries flavour is as bad as mine? What does yours taste of? A whole litre of aniseed powdery water. Two glasses straight away then one every fifteen minutes. It’s meant to go in via the mouth so it will light up your intestine. I have to say I really struggled. I was gagging all over the place which in turn made me feel really ill.
There were a few others waiting there. This lady told me how her son in law died six months ago from melanoma. Said it all started a year ago by a mole from his back and after they removed it and he had a bone scan and he got told he was ok, he never went back to the doctor. He then got metastasis in his armpit, a very very large lump and after that he just gave up the fight. Said he still went in the sun wasn’t careful and that was that. Sad story.
I didn’t go in to scanning room till about 1130. After the warm pissy feeling was over I was done and someone came in and said, we need to give you an ultra sound. I crapped myself. So did my mum and sister. So off I went to this dark room again with the same doctor who had done my boobs a few months ago and he gave me a neck scan. I watched as he went over something which to me looked scary and I thought that was it. I was done for. But he finished and said all is clear. What a sigh of relief. No sooner had I got off the table then when he got me back on it to check my womb. He said my cervix looks enlarged and that I need to go and see the lady bits doctor. Great I thought. More invasive tests I can’t wait.
So I walked out of the room and my mum, sister and that lady where waiting for me holding their breath. I said ALL CLEAR.. my poor mum must have aged 10 years whilst I was in that ultra sound room. The was a huge waiting list outside you see and the doctor told them all to wait cause he had to check me.
I didn’t leave till 12:20! A long day at a hospital that made me feel drained and rough.
I came home and waited with anticipation to go and see my gynecologist.. NOT. He did my c-section though so I figured he’s seen it all before but no matter how many times you go it really doesn’t get any easier and unless you are a woman you can’t possibly understand how awful it is. The good news is that he said that all appears to be normal but I won’t get my results till Friday next week.
So as far as everyone is concerned I appear to be normal. haha (if only they knew) Official results for CT on Monday and other test Friday.
Today I have a stupid cold and slight chest infection. I feel hung-over even though I had nothing to drink. It’s the weekend though so that good. Going out with my husband tonight to cheer myself up.
I miss having a job even though with everything that is going on and all the tests I’ve needed I would have been away a lot, its hard trying to find a job in my current situation and I feel very upset that I got fired whilst they all knew I have malignant melanoma to deal with too. But at least I can hold my head high. Ihave applied for a few jobs and still waiting to hear about the other one I went for a few weeks ago as position doesnt open for a while so fingers crossed for that.

I hope you are all having a nice weekend. 🙂

Countdown

Time has passed already and I may very well be having the surgery on Saturday morning!  Some people will be nursing a hangover, others will be getting ready for work, others to go to the beach and we’d normally have a play in bed with our son jumping on us in turn and dribbling everywhere.

Instead I will be arriving at the clinic and having my blood pressure checked and my heart rate monitored whilst I change into something more comfortable.  I do hate hospital gowns. They are silly. They cover your whole front and never your arse.  I suppose its for easier removal.  We always laugh when we see the typical movie when the cute man is running with a hospital gown on showing his nice firm bum but I don’t quite picture the same effect if I was to run down the corridor with my bum on show.  However, there’s not much chance of that happening. I have been saving my big pants! ha That’s right, my big pants. I’m not talking granny knickers here ladies, but nice girlie boxers and non lacy knickers.  Its important to be as comfortable as possible and I just didn’t fancy my arse popping out of anywhere to anyone!! So I recommend no thongs no lacy stuff as hospitals are not the place for all that!   You can still look your best with a nice pair of pyjamas and big knickers.  I wont be needing any bra’s though. I hate floppy boobs.  But in my case I don’t have a choice.  Floppy boobs and one that will get extra viewing by a few doctors.

I’m so embarrassed about the whole thing. Sure my doctors have seen thousands of naked women and boobs but that never seems to make ME feel any better!  Last time on the operating table I made sure they kept me covered till I was asleep.  Any nice surgeon will understand if you feel the same way.

The doctors said I was the most nervous person they’d ever seen on a table.  Thats quite bad really, considering the amount of surgeries they have done.  I remember saying to them as the anaesthisia was taking over to please look after me as I was pretrified.    However, this time I’ve got my Bach flower remedy and I hope it will assist my nerves.

I think I was the same when I was being rolled down for my C section.   Those of you who have had surgeries will notice that their rooms are bloody freezing. And their tables are so small. But I suppose they need them like that so they can get as close to you as possible.  Never mind if one of your butt cheeks is hanging off the edge.  Having a C section was the most embarrassing doctor patient situation I’ve ever had to experience.. I think only a natural birth will top that for me!

Anyway, what I am trying to say is that I am absolutely terrified.  However I know I’ll be ok cause I was last time too.

So don’t worry, as you are going down on the rolley polley bed or a wheel chair which ever way they transfer you to the theater,  remember before you know it you’ll be fast asleep and when you wake up it will all be over and you can focus on getting better and hope your bottom doesn’t fall off the bed instead. 🙂

Results

This day started like all the rest, I woke up and wished I could just roll over and go back to sleep, but as soon as my eyes closed they shot wide open as I realized today’s the day I get my results.  I got my darling son ready in a haze with help from my mum who arrived shortly afterward for moral support.

I drove to the hospital feeling more and more nervous by the minute.  I thought I’m not going to look at the results, I will wait till after I have dropped off my son in case I have a breakdown in the car and then cant face the nursery!   The CT scan man a funny Cypriot named George that doesn’t like tattoos or nose studs (whoops) walked me to collect them.  An old friend asked how I was on the way. I said I was fine.  George looked at me and I said, I am fine.. am I fine? They all wished me luck.

As I walked to the car my mum gets out and runs off to the loo and instructs me not to look at them till she returned!  I don’t.  But when she gets back I said Ill look at the nursery.   I don’t.   You know I was terrified of what was in the envelope.    However as we were driving up to get petrol I decided to look.  Here is what it said:  Brain normal, (ok so I am a little crazy) neck normal, (a little long perhaps) abdomen normal (a bit on the fatty side), armpit not normal. Well that was in my language.  I was immediately so relieved. I mean its very strange how I can be relieved knowing I still have cancer. But cancer is an evil evil thing so the less you have of it the easier it is to beat.  My mum and I were just like whoop whoop.  I think people in the petrol station must have thought we were a little over joyed over petrol.. lol

For those of you who are reading cause you are doing your own research on Melanoma her is what the CT scan results stated:

Neck: No lymph nodes, all soft tissue structure appears normal, no changes in comparison with scan in October 09

Brain: Without pathology, normal postcontrast enhancement

Right Axilla (aka armpit): hyperdense solid tissue and oval lymph nodes (diameter about 1.00cm) appear. No presence in previous CT scan in Oct 09. Image is very suspicious from metastatic involvement.

Abdomen & Pelvis:  No lymph nodes, no secondary’s. All organs appear normal

C: Right axillery area lymphadenopathy is very suspicious from recurrence of disease.

After we got to the Limassol hospital and went through the massive maze that that place is, found the oncologist, then went and got a ticket to sign in (366!), then came back to the oncologist, my hubby joined us from work.   Dr Malas,  gave me the once over again which involved taking off my garments and staying in my undergarments whilst he has a close look at all my moles and rubs my neck and shoulders (I love that part).  (note to self everyone wear nice undergarments lol).  He then said that I do indeed have cancer in my lymph nodes and that I will need surgery as soon as possible to have them all removed.  This is no easy procedure and requires an excellent surgeon!  He also said I will require some therapy called interferon three times a week which is an immune therapy drug.  This wont result in any hair loss or boob loss as I asked him and I also asked about fertility to which he laughed and said “how many kids do you want!”  (I only have one!)

So on Monday I have to call him at 11:00am and he will study my file until then, speak to a few surgeons and suggest a few things.  After that its my decision who I have to do the surgery and where, and once I have had the surgery he will then decide on what therapy to give me.. (chocolate and vodka therapy please) meanwhile shopping therapy helped a lot as my lovely hubby says here’s my card, go treat yourself.. so I did.. its amazing how much better you can feel after a few dresses.. (Limassol Mall ladies.. go check it out; great for in between hospital visits and after hospital visits I found)

So all in all if you can get good bad news this is it. Bad news that’s good news cause I have treatable cancer.  I can fight this and I can beat this and I will get my happy ever after.

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