The hard part for me

Everyone deals with cancer differently.
I’m finding it hard dealing with the loss of me. Cause even though I am of course still me what I see in the mirror isn’t me. It’s another version. A rounder, fatter, hairier faced, sick version of me. Last time I had melanoma in my lymph nodes and I needed surgery I was still me. I coped with the pain, the radiotherapy burns and the leftover scars cause the whole time I still looked like me!
You will say hair will grow back. The cortisone effects will wear off. Mobility back when Charlie dies. People loose far more during their battles with serious illness. Its only hair. Its silly but every morning now my hair is everywhere and its depressing. I cannot wash it, brush it or touch it without it coming out in clumps. And no matter how brave you are and how many jokes you can make about pulling off the Telly Savallas look at the end of the day you don’t want to look like him. You want to look like you. Wigs and experiments can give you a temporary fix but what you see in the mirror isn’t you.
Its very hard for me to accept the new me. I am Alethea. I don’t look like Alethea (in my eyes that is) but I am still Alethea. . I am strong and fighting every day, believing in the zapping and before long I will be better. In the meantime one has to try fight depression stop it from taking over your whole body cause you cant help feeling sad cause your body is going through so many changes.
People know you have cancer when you have no hair on your head. And then its like a huge sign saying hey everyone l’ve had or have cancer. And then everyone looks at you differently. They cant help it. Its something humans do. We look at people differently when they are sick. People whisper. Hug you gently cause they think you may break.
So you see cancer is a horrible disease cause it makes you different, people see you differently and all you want to be is yourself.

And all this cause I spent so much time sunbathing without the proper protection. How annoying is THAT!