I went for a swim

I went to the beach recently. My doctor said the salt water will do my wounds the world of good, so armed with factor 50, our umbrella which is UVP proof, some cold water and a whole other bunch of stuff you need when you have kids off we went.

I got into the water for a total of 5 minutes just to cool off and to salt my armpit up which of course stung as swimming was out of the question as my arm is out of practice and the muscles are still sore. I didn’t expect that.  I am not allowed in the sun my doctor said so I was quick to get out and sit under the brollie.  Everyone else was in the water and I watched alone from the side wishing it was me in the sea with my son, not being able to be in the sun isn’t the end of the world, but its the end of the world as I know it. I hate that I cant play in the water with my son but my melanoma is so high risk that I cant risk ever being in the sun again. How sucky is that!  However, its a small price to pay when I get to live a long and happy life.

I had plenty of time to watch everyone on the beach.  Quite a few had already burned and are in the peeling process, not many under umbrellas and I wondered if they all knew about what they could potentially being doing to themselves.  Some stared at my armpit and my back back and I wondered if I should tell them why I looked the way I did.

I didn’t of course, people on holiday don’t want to know about my fight with skin cancer or anyone elses for that matter. They are on holiday, in Cyprus to get a tan, that’s the whole reason they are here in the first place (well amongst other things of course).

I wish there was something we could do to make people realise how dangerous it is. But the magazines put models that are airbrushed with beautiful tans.  We all think being tanned is beautiful.  We have forgotten to love ourselves as god made us.

We watch arabsat and there are adverts on there for a cream called Fair and Lovely and its for people with dark and blemished skin to look white and pure.   Theres even one when someone turns a model away cause her skin was too dark but it turned out the window was dirty, cause she uses fair and lovely so she gets hired in the end!   I think thats quite racist to be honest, but there they are trying to look fair, and here  we are trying to look brown!

Going on holiday just to fry yourself in baby oil cause thats what you are doing if you use that isn’t the way to do it.  Don’t burn, always use a minimum of 30 in hot countries especially when its 38 degrees out there! You only have one skin. You cant get a skin transplant and once you have skin cancer you have it for life.  Many are lucky to live in remission, many die.

My emotions are still running high. I can be anywhere and start crying because I am so grateful to be alive, to be in remission. Adverts on TV with happy endings make me cry. I’m a blubbering mess… everything makes me emotional at the moment.

All in all I spent about 30 mins on the beach.  Days out on the beach or by the beach are now a thing of the past for me.  Lucky for me though, I do have a very well shaded pool in my garden which I plan to spend time in once my arm is healed as I cant swim in chlorine yet.

I will need follow up visits every three months at the Oncology Clinic for the next 3 years, then every 6 months to year 5 then every year till year 10. After that I don’t know.  But I plan to find out.. cant wait to moan about it when I’m 45! I’m going for another boob scan next week! Just my right one.. I wonder if my left one will feel left out.. ha mind you its rather difficult to keep one in in such circumstances.. lol

Live love and be happy. You only get one life so make the best of it. 🙂

My armpit and its progress!

Taken 22.08

All my new skin coming through.. all my old skin fried off! lol

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Scan Day

I’m off to get my CT scan today.  I’m currently sat here staring at a dairy milk chocolate bar, my favourite fighting myself not to eat it. lol I’ve had a sip of water though as felt dizzy this morning.  Been feeling dizzy a lot recently and I think its the pain coming out in a different form.

I’ve always been the kind of person that wants to get up and do stuff.  When I had my c section I left the clinic on the 3rd day. Looking back I should have stayed a while longer! But I’ll know for next time instead!! lol  This surgery however has really knocked it out of me.  And my arm is so sensitive to touch that even when someone brushes past me it hurts.  The skin is painful. How odd.   It constantly feels as though there is a string inside my arm that is pulled to tight and I cant outstretch my arm.   I keep doing my exercises but last time it took three weeks before my arm felt a little better and this was a deeper more serious surgery so I expect it will take even longer.

I’ve taken some photos of the progress of my armpit.  It looks rather gross but well the rest of me doesnt look to shabby.  Apart from my face.  I feel I look pale and kn

ackered all the time! lol I had my hair done last week.  A nice bright red to cheer me up. I guess I’ll feel better when they take Bob out.    He’s been in for 2 weeks now. Not draining much fluid though so here’s hoping.

I’m hoping to get a tattoo done soon.  I am having my sons name and perhaps something extra too. Not sure on which part of my body though obviously not on my right arm as you know you can never have anything done to an arm that has no lymph nodes.  I now have an arm with special needs. So I’m nice to it and take extra care of it too.

Well here are my second op photos:

Taken on 26/05/10

Taken on 03/06/10

Taken 07/06/10