What the doctor said

So I went to Nicosia today with my husband and two good friends.

Dr Katodritis is such a lovely doctor and has a sense of humour which I think is very important when having to deal with someone like me.

He said what I have obviously is very bad and I must start treatment immediately.  I go for a brain mask measurement on Monday and then start treatment full brain radiotherapy.  I take a chemotherapy tablet every day, cortisone, and anti emetics as well as anti seasure drugs too.  Last thing I want to do is end up rolling about on the floor.

I’m going to lose my hair.  I’m totally gutted about this even though I know its going to grow back so I’ll be off to get it all chopped tomorrow so the shock is gradual. I’ve always wanted to try something new so now’s the time 🙂

Life expectancy for me is a year. I have an incurable disease so I’m terminal now. Bollocks.  But doctor said I can get well soon and it depends on how well I respond to my treatment too.  So I’m staying positive even though I think I’ve been kicked in the stomach and my whole world is upside down. It’s so not fair. I have so much life in me. I don’t feel ill, don’t look ill, so why the hell am I ill?! I’ll fight it. With every thing I’ve got.

Not good news but miracles don’t happen over night.  I will have my miracle though. I will walk out of that oncology unit a miracle.

I went to try on some wigs after. Had a right laugh with my friends pulling silly faces and poses. Think the woman isnt used to people going in smiley trying on wigs cause they are gonna go bald from cancer. Sucky times. But you know me I make a joke out of everything. It can always be worse.

Once my treatment is over I will have to get re staged and hope its no where else in my body.

Here I come melanoma. I’m ready for you. I’m fighting you. I will be victorious.

I am going to live! Whoop Whoop

9 down 11 to go

I am still side effect free. Yay! My armpit can be rather tender though especially where the scar is and I find lying on my right side more painful since the treatment. I am more stiff too.  But its a small price to pay for the work radiotherapy is doing.

I am positive about what lies ahead even if I need chemo and loose all my hair.  Because everything that they are doing to me is for me and to make me better and increase my chances of a long life so I can watch my son grow up, hopefully with another sibling and hopefully without any recurrence.

Not a day goes by that I don’t worry that this could come back and kill me. I wonder if I will live to see my son get married, I wonder if I will be able to have more children.  I wonder if one day it will come back in a place where I cant see or feel it until its too late.

Every day life for me is different now.  I focus on things that make me happy like writing this blog, updating my Parenting website and spending time with my family.     I have found support where I least expected it and had none where I thought I would.  Cancer has tought me a valuable lesson. To respect my body and take nothing for granted and appreciate life more.

Each day I get on the bus to me is step closer to being better.  We all talk about how and were we’ve been prodded each day, we joke about who gets to go first and generally laugh at me generally being the last one in and keeping everyone else waiting to go home.   Each day the study me so closely as I’m a difficult case. Trust me to be difficult eh!  They are so very precise and each time some poor girl has to squish my boobs together literally we laugh and then I thank them for the treatment they give me.   Everyone is so nice and friendly, my bus friends are quite funny and lady F and I generally make lots of noise which makes other people stare at us with disapproving eyes as perhaps they expect everyone to be gloomy and sad.

I have been gloomy devastated even when I first got the news. But after that I made sure that I didn’t let it control me and that what I have isn’t me, its just apart of me and although my life now revolves around being treated for melanoma they will come a time when all this will be behind me..

One day at a time, one bus ride at a time one zapping at a time.  I go to bed early most evenings so I’m never knackered in the mornings although it takes me time to actually oil my my facial muscles to smile first thing.  So poor hubby gets grumparse Alethea whilst everyone on the bus gets to see me awake and chirpy Alethea. By the time I get back its time to get my son from day care.  He is such a happy baby (gets it from me lol) I don’t have time to feel sorry for myself.  Time is passing quickly thank god.

This is something I wrote. Sorry if its cheesy. I write cheesy love poems too.. haha, but whatever floats my boat eh lol

I am strong, I am not weak
You will not beat me, I will not admit defeat
Surgeries and drains and whatever comes after
I will get through that with love faith and laughter
Tiredness and soreness you don’t scare me,
I am so much stronger than you, cant you see
You make me travel and go out of my way
I will travel the world to fight you any day
I do not underestimate you, nor take you for granted
But my life’s course you have merely slanted
So you have thrown at me a taste of what you’ve got
But I’m not taking it lying down I am facing you standing up
I have many on my side, who offer me support
and teams of doctors and its you they will deport
No matter what you throw at me and if I loose my hair
It will soon grow back, you will be gone, so there.
So stick em up cancer, I’m ready for the the fight
Here I am standing tall with my fists clenched tight
I am strong, I am not weak
You will not beat me, I will not admit defeat