The begining of a very very long journey

On my second day back from treatment, bearing in mind that all of us had to wait 4 hours for one of our companions to get chemo therapy I was over tired, over drained and over being optimistic!

I was like a zombie! I’ve never been so tired in my life. Not even my newborn baby made me THAT tired.I had gone to bed early the previous night and rested too.  I felt sick and extremely emotional. I’m not sure if the nausea is a side effect of the treatment or a side effect from being so tired!

So this weekend I tried to rest as much as possible.  Its now Sunday and I’m still not feeling 100%  and the thought of a whole week of 6:15am wake ups and bus rides and zapping really leaves me in a drained and cant be arsedness mood.

The nurse I actually saw after my first diagnosis last year at the hospital when I was having blood tests and all clear CT scans was there Friday morning. We both couldnt figure out were we knew each other from until she said she’s actually the nurse from the oncology department and remembered me when I first started going.  She said that now she has to take the bus too, due to a recent breast cancer diagnosis. How crap is that. Being on the other side of the fence must be even harder. But we laughed and joked and exchanged notes on how to cope with the treatment and exercises to avoid a stiff arm after lymph node removal.

Cancer is not sexist, ageist or anything. It doesn’t care if you are just born, just married or a just new parent.  Doesn’t care if you are happy or you are sad, if you are rich or you are poor if you are famous or the girl next door, doctors, nurses, bus drivers, children, adults.  You could be anyone.

Live life, enjoy life but respect your surroundings and your body.  Its the only one you’ve got. And should you get anything as serious as this, that may slow you down, don’t give up, keep fighting, remove yourself from negativity and focus on you.

I am trying to focus on me, not care about the hurts and disappointments that have tried to join me in my journey.  My life is more important than anything else. My son, my family. Everything else doesnt really matter does it! Not the new Ipod, the new hairdo, the new car.. just you.

Speaking of me, last week a total of 7 people touched, taped  or drew on my breasts! SEVEN people in 3 days! I’ve never had that much action in a year! haha  Not mentioning the other god knows how many who have seen them.  I wonder if I will ever just lie there and not be embarrassed. (Lie there and think of England comes to mind)  I wish they’d warm up their hands though.. They have prescribed a baby powder for my right armpit where I’m having the treatment. Its called Proderm but I can’t find it online as its actually called Zwitsal baby products Sara Lee products.  The active incredients are: Talc, Zinc Oxide, Hydrated Silica, Paraffinum Liquidum, Parfum.  When I asked if I could use any other powder they said no.  This however may not be something your doctor would prescribe so check with them before using anything for your skin.

Bye for now.. xx

“Time is the coin of your life, It is the only coin you have, and only you can determine how it will be spent. Be careful lest you let others spend it for you” ~ Carl Sandburgh

Tuesday’s Ramble

So since I found out the bad news as such that I may be loosing all my hair, feritility and dignity I have been pretty much ok.  No nervous breakdowns as of yet however I’m thinking perhaps I ought to get some anxiety tablets or something. Might take the edge of and stop me yelling at my poor husband. Bless him.

I’ve been looking at head scarves and wigs and reading up on care during and after chemo and all that.  But apparently I may not loose all my hair. It all depends on the type of chemo I’m going to get.  So I have to wait. That’s all I do these days is wait lol

Still no news from the Oncology department in Nicosia so I will give them a call tomorrow.  Its not like I have the rest of my life to hang around without any worry. I need to start this treatment soon.  If only I was more careful when I sunbathed.  And I don’t even have pale white skin! My dad is Cypriot. I always thought my skin could handle the sun..

I’ve been off work what seems like ages and I want my life back to normal.. which means returning to work. Bills don’t pay themselves and Social Security of Cyprus is rather slow in making payments considering I’ve received nothing from them since my application in May.  Joy!  Plus it be nice to see my colleagues as I haven’t since I finished work on the 21st of May! We only leave 10-15 mins within each other.. These days people are just so busy with life.

Going to see if they have fixed the darn boob machine tomorrow too.  lol  They haven’t called me yet.. but thats Cyprus for ya.  lol  I cant fault them though they have looked after me quite well so far. 🙂

Have been doing all my exercises and my arm although hurts a little bit finally feels back to normal. I can lift it and everything and getting undressed isn’t so painful anymore.

Its important to stick to those exercises specially the squesshy ball one as that pumps fluid out of your arm and can prevent lymphoedema or lymphedema. Or whatever its actually called.  But you all know what I mean.

Apart from that not much else to report.  I’m looking forward to waking up not tired one day.. but I guess with whats ahead of me it will be a while.

Keep smiling cause life could be worse, no matter how bad you think things are!

Friday at last

I woke up today thinking at last its Friday! The weekend approaches, I can get some rest.  I feel like I have been going none stop in fear that if I do stop I may not start again!     As I walked into my son’s room I was hit by a wave of a seriously bad smell.. and as I approached his cot, my fears were verified. He was caked in poop.  Not only was he caked in poop, his legs were caked in dried poop, the WHITE sheets had poop on it, his milk bottle had poop on it and the best part… he was fast asleep in poop.   hahaha I mean really, little boys truly are disgusting! Or is it just mine?   So it was a mad rush for me, to get his bath running then put him in his bath, take his sheets off, dress him, put him downstairs, give him a bottle, put sheets in bath to soak and all before 8 o clock!  lol Before I had my son it took a fire drill to get me out of bed before 8.30! Funny how now I am wide awake and at work ten minutes early..

I have to say I struggled at work today.  I was really tired, I think the past two weeks finally caught up with me and although I did all my work I couldn’t wait to come home.   My collegues and boss have all been really supportive about the whole thing so I didn’t feel too guilty! (thanks) Although announcing I was knackered after only two days of work perhaps wasn’t the bestest idea I’ve ever had.

I picked up Christian from nursery and his afternoon teacher asked how I was; I said I need more surgery next week so my mum will be coming again to pick him up.  She did ask me why, I just said its going to take a little longer for me to get better.    What can I say in these situations..?! I cant just keep telling people I have cancer as its scares them more than me! And I am the one who’s got it!

For the rest of the evening I just collapsed on the couch whilst hubby rubbed my feet. He’s always done that for me bless him every since we met. Aren’t I lucky.

By bedtime I felt a little less optimistic even though I am strong because all day I’ve heard “that’s excellent news” about my results.  But if you really think about it, its not really excellent news, how can having cancer be excellent news.  Its the kind of thing that makes a doctor say: Do you want the good news, or the bad news?  Cause thats exactly how you can discribe my case, the good news is that the cancer hasn’t spread, the bad news is I’ve still got it.

Still, by next week, they will take it ALL out and then I will be cancer free..  and lymph node free too apparently.  Its not the best surgery.  My arm still hurts, I cant raise it like I used to, it hurts to hang the washing out and to lift clothes up over my head to get undressed which I struggle with. From my elbow to my armpit I have no feeling on the outside so you can put a fag out on me… But I can reach to scratch my arse, so thats a plus.. I cant really ask a stranger to do that now can I!

I’ll leave you with that thought. 🙂