What the other doctor said

I went to see another oncologist on Saturday.  He looked at my previous head scan and thinks that possibly they missed my first tumour.  The one u can see biggest in the picture. But I guess its had since October to grow.

He recommended stereotactic radiotherapy which targets the tumours rather than the whole brain.  He needs to get in touch with a doctor in Germany and let me know.

I havent started treatment yet.  I went to Nicosia today to get my head measured for a mask but the attending doctor didn’t see the point if I have not yet decided if I am going to Germany (if the government will fund it). He also said that for more than 4 brain tumours they dont give stereotactic brain therapy, and that my CT scan doesnt give a really clear image of my brain and I can have 10 tumours now, not 7 to which I replied “jeez thanks very much”.  So I didnt leave there too happy.

The bus journey back was tiring and made me queezy.  But I went and got some sushi, and a plate of chips to take away.  I never thought i’d see the day Id like Suhsi. Christian ate some chips then after a short nap proceeded to throw up all over me, the couch and the floor. So the cat ate chips too.. gross.

I feel so hopeless.  Every day I wake up and I think, shit I have terminal cancer.  I try to fight it and I scream and I say I am stronger than you melanoma, you wont beat me. I will win. I will be victorious.  The drugs make me a little woozy so sometimes I don’t know if I am coming or going.  Thats quite frustrating.  Every day is a struggle and hard to get on with it.

I wish I could just go to sleep, and wake up when it’s all better.  I want to start treatment so then I am actually fighting. Right now I feel like I’m just sitting doing nothing.

So Wednesday I go back to Nicosia, if I don’t get the Germany option and start full head brain radiotherapy for 5 days.  This will result in complete hair loss and other shite side effects which I’ve been reading up on. So I just want the tumours to vanish and I can get on with my life.  I guess next time I get a headache, I’ll be a bit more paranoid.

Thank you for all your comments and best wishes. They do help and are very appreciated.

I’m fighting, I am winning, I am alive and its my right to be. 🙂

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What the doctor said

So I went to Nicosia today with my husband and two good friends.

Dr Katodritis is such a lovely doctor and has a sense of humour which I think is very important when having to deal with someone like me.

He said what I have obviously is very bad and I must start treatment immediately.  I go for a brain mask measurement on Monday and then start treatment full brain radiotherapy.  I take a chemotherapy tablet every day, cortisone, and anti emetics as well as anti seasure drugs too.  Last thing I want to do is end up rolling about on the floor.

I’m going to lose my hair.  I’m totally gutted about this even though I know its going to grow back so I’ll be off to get it all chopped tomorrow so the shock is gradual. I’ve always wanted to try something new so now’s the time 🙂

Life expectancy for me is a year. I have an incurable disease so I’m terminal now. Bollocks.  But doctor said I can get well soon and it depends on how well I respond to my treatment too.  So I’m staying positive even though I think I’ve been kicked in the stomach and my whole world is upside down. It’s so not fair. I have so much life in me. I don’t feel ill, don’t look ill, so why the hell am I ill?! I’ll fight it. With every thing I’ve got.

Not good news but miracles don’t happen over night.  I will have my miracle though. I will walk out of that oncology unit a miracle.

I went to try on some wigs after. Had a right laugh with my friends pulling silly faces and poses. Think the woman isnt used to people going in smiley trying on wigs cause they are gonna go bald from cancer. Sucky times. But you know me I make a joke out of everything. It can always be worse.

Once my treatment is over I will have to get re staged and hope its no where else in my body.

Here I come melanoma. I’m ready for you. I’m fighting you. I will be victorious.

I am going to live! Whoop Whoop