I went to see another oncologist on Saturday. He looked at my previous head scan and thinks that possibly they missed my first tumour. The one u can see biggest in the picture. But I guess its had since October to grow.
He recommended stereotactic radiotherapy which targets the tumours rather than the whole brain. He needs to get in touch with a doctor in Germany and let me know.
I havent started treatment yet. I went to Nicosia today to get my head measured for a mask but the attending doctor didn’t see the point if I have not yet decided if I am going to Germany (if the government will fund it). He also said that for more than 4 brain tumours they dont give stereotactic brain therapy, and that my CT scan doesnt give a really clear image of my brain and I can have 10 tumours now, not 7 to which I replied “jeez thanks very much”. So I didnt leave there too happy.
The bus journey back was tiring and made me queezy. But I went and got some sushi, and a plate of chips to take away. I never thought i’d see the day Id like Suhsi. Christian ate some chips then after a short nap proceeded to throw up all over me, the couch and the floor. So the cat ate chips too.. gross.
I feel so hopeless. Every day I wake up and I think, shit I have terminal cancer. I try to fight it and I scream and I say I am stronger than you melanoma, you wont beat me. I will win. I will be victorious. The drugs make me a little woozy so sometimes I don’t know if I am coming or going. Thats quite frustrating. Every day is a struggle and hard to get on with it.
I wish I could just go to sleep, and wake up when it’s all better. I want to start treatment so then I am actually fighting. Right now I feel like I’m just sitting doing nothing.
So Wednesday I go back to Nicosia, if I don’t get the Germany option and start full head brain radiotherapy for 5 days. This will result in complete hair loss and other shite side effects which I’ve been reading up on. So I just want the tumours to vanish and I can get on with my life. I guess next time I get a headache, I’ll be a bit more paranoid.
Thank you for all your comments and best wishes. They do help and are very appreciated.
I’m fighting, I am winning, I am alive and its my right to be. 🙂